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A woman wants her classified ad in bold with her phone number in capital letters.
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A man puts his scratching post out for free because his cat won't use it.
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Turtles look for new places to live, but all the good ones are on a golf course.
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A company tries to hire someone with skills in construction, but a snake applies because he's good at constriction.
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Man laying on his back with another man attacking him is on phone with newspaper needing to reword his help wanted ad "seeking aggressive individual."