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Miss Muffet goes in for liposuction.
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A man thinks he's stronger because his Christmas tree feels lighter, but it's lighter because its needles fell off.
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A belt sees a psychiatrist, not sure it can handle the extra pressure of the holidays.
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A snake goes on a diet to cleanse its body, but looses its venom in the process.
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A pear doesn't let genetics determine its shape.
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Daily meetings increase the growth curve because of donuts.
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A restaurant serves a meal designed to break as many New Year's Resolutions at once as possible.
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Columbus pretends he has a flat stomach on the beach, when it's really round.
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Tofu and spam are combined, and cause a large explosion.
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A computer wants to know if the monitor makes it look big.
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A woman sees a psychiatrist because she needs jean therapy.
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A paint can sees a psychiatrist because it wants to be thinner.
