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Child E asks Dad E if he'll grow up capitalized like dad, dad says yes, but he has to stay away from drugs, guns, and white-out.
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Fish parents tell daughter when she comes in door she can't deny it, they know she's been out with piranha, daughter has bite in body.
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Mom letter N wants husband, Nick, to participate since they are in Mexico, she bought funny hats for everyone, which are actually tilde characters.
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Captain Kirk has retired, answers door to see alien woman and alien child, thinks to himself, "Oh, God, not another paternity suit."
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Mom tells daughter ants crawled through floorboards, got into her casserole, Dad is taking care of them, while Dad gives the ants Pepto Bismol.
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The maternity ward for skeletons is full of tiny skeleton heads and crossbones, dad skeleton and child skeleton are looking in window.
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Man holds "Best Dad in the World" trophy, realizes it came from a gift shop and wasn't put to a global vote.
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Mr. Potatohead scolds son, Oscar, for using the f-word, Oscar had said French fries.
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Mother mentions twins with cloning machine, Dad realizes they don't have twins.
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The scarier version of Star Wars is when Darth Vader reveals he's Luke's Mother.
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Boy thinks smoke alarm is a dad cooking alert.
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Wasted drunken Xmas reindeer Rudolph mistakes lighted red stop signal for father’s glowing nose.