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Spider tells psychiatrist how female spider lit a cigarette, looked him in the eye, and said they didn't call him "itsy bitsy spider" for nothing.
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One clock tells another he's going to ask out Clara in accounting because he's heard she's pretty fast.
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Captain Kirk has retired, answers door to see alien woman and alien child, thinks to himself, "Oh, God, not another paternity suit."
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Derek's plan to woo his date is ruined when he runs over her dog.
