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A kitten's parents are proud because he had his first meows, first steps, and first human blood.
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A fish encourages another fish to get on a hook because body piercing is chic.
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A dad dropping his daughter off at daycare tells her to get the pooping and spitting-up out of her system while she's there.
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A cat hasn't slept in two hours, so he goes to therapy.
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Cats think the power button on the answering machine is marked that because turning it off gives them power.
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A homeless cat wants to pee on the rug and claw the furniture of a woman who feeds it.
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A cat thinks chocolate mousse is a very well-blended chocolate mouse.
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A dog chained outside gets resentful when his owner hums 'Unchained Melody.'
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Lions eat Caesar for the first Caesar sald ever.
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A cat is interested in watching The Big Sleep.
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Lions go to Jack's in the Box to buy human flesh.
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A cat knocks over a vase so it can steal a bite of its owner's turkey.
