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  • Bacteria's children are more resistant than they were.
  • A kangaroo mom bellyflops into the pool, stunning the baby in her pouch.
  • Kids bury their dad's face at the beach.
  • A man's bike measures lots of factors, from speed to his odds of ever fathering a child.
  • Mark takes the day off and lets his family come up with cartoon ideas.
  • A man buys a headache detector to see if his wife is lying about wanting to have sex.
  • Willie Wonka's parents get him a candy factory because he asked for a chocolate lab.
  • A dog mom reads her puppy a rhyme about an old dog who lived in a shoe.
  • Kids who build models want inspiration, so they search for "built models" online.
  • A cat mom nags her son to empty his pockets before putting his clothes in the laundry because she found a mouse in the washing machine.
  • Alan Greenspan decides to slow down his kids' growth with cigarettes.
  • A bat parent watching TV complains that prime time is just guano jokes these days.