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  • A woman likes that a man is there for her, but not that he's there with her.
  • Praying mantis bumper stickers have jokes about eating other mantises.
  • A caveman dad invents the wheel to soothe his cranky baby.
  • People give directions based on what's important to them.
  • George Washington lies and tells his wife she doesn't look fat in her dress.
  • A man is still taking plenty of rest to get rid of his cold 9 years after his doctor said so.
  • Pavlov's dog keeps drooling as he gets older.
  • A fish surrounded by broken alcohol bottles has a headache and swears he'll never eat another tequila worm.
  • Husband cat finds that his wife put a poinsettia leaf in his sandwich and thinks she is trying to poison him.
  • Santa sneaks away from the laundry room with his suit while Mrs. Claus wonders how her white clothes got stained.
  • A family around a Christmas tree is giving each other headaches and grief instead of holiday gifts.
  • A woman says that the only exercise her lazy husband gets is using his facial muscles to frown.