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  • A man's trainer is impressed with his shrug form, but the man's good at it because he's been married for 8 years.
  • A worm cheats on his wife because he has five hearts.
  • A spider tries to make his new wife so full she won't eat him.
  • A piece of grass gets bitten by a horse, but it'll be okay because it was only grazed.
  • Fish wives think their husbands are online or on the net.
  • A man says he wants closure during arguments -- closure of his wife's mouth.
  • The groundhog's wife sees his eye shadow, so he's in for a long cold winter.
  • A man watches TV when his wife suggests a remote vacation.
  • Ripley's Believe It or Not rejects some claims.
  • A camera tells his wife to stop complaining about her hot flashes.
  • A woman complains that her husband is too reliant on technology because he uses the computer program Sheep Counter 1.0 to get to sleep.
  • A cat has a hangover after New Year's because he tore open his cat toy and ate the catnip.