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  • A man's relationship is like puppy love in that his girlfriend jumps on whoever's closest.
  • A dog's girlfriend refuses to give him a treat just because he lay down.
  • Candy hearts go to a tattoo parlor to get valentine messages written on them.
  • The football from Peanuts gives Lucy a valentine.
  • A fly has a fetish for being shooed away.
  • Rabbits go to couples therapy because one of them wants 96 children and the other wants 238.
  • Candles eat a candlelight dinner, but it's not romantic.
  • A pear takes so long to get ready that her banana boyfriend gets ripe waiting.
  • A cat steals a man's toupee at a party.
  • A man is dissatisfied when his wife buys Okayuns instead of Funyons.
  • A white wine sets the thermostat too cold for red wine.
  • A woman reads The Giving Tree to her son and has nightmares about him harvesting her organs.