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  • Bears eating Santa use Santa's Helper.
  • A dog puts a painting of people playing poker up on the wall.
  • A Christmas tree buys an artificial tree like a person would buy a blow-up doll.
  • A dog without a bone is sad, but a dog with no bones is a sack of skin.
  • A turkey disguises itself as a cat to avoid being killed for Thanksgiving.
  • A pig teases her husband about his fat stomach.
  • A dog leaves her husband and tells her she faked every time she wagged her tail.
  • A doughboy goes to couples therapy because he wants to be kneaded.
  • A jar of peanut butter's husband was smooth when she married him, but now he's chunky.
  • A homeless cat wants to pee on the rug and claw the furniture of a woman who feeds it.
  • A statue tells her boyfriend that he used to put her on a pedestal.
  • A woman can't think of a reason not to go out with a man, but when he calls later she'll have had time to find one.