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  • Dogs think people wear shoes to break them in as chew toys.
  • Kids bury their dad's face at the beach.
  • Marcel Marcea mimes being trapped in an invisible uterus as a baby.
  • Willie Wonka's parents get him a candy factory because he asked for a chocolate lab.
  • A dog mom reads her puppy a rhyme about an old dog who lived in a shoe.
  • The children's version of Candy Land has characters like Princess Lolly, but the adult version has ones like M.T. Calories, Colossal Waist, and Dental Bill.
  • Kids who build models want inspiration, so they search for "built models" online.
  • A cat mom nags her son to empty his pockets before putting his clothes in the laundry because she found a mouse in the washing machine.
  • Alan Greenspan decides to slow down his kids' growth with cigarettes.
  • A bat parent watching TV complains that prime time is just guano jokes these days.
  • A fish goes to the doctor for fertility drugs because he has a craving for caviar.
  • An alien on the moon says Neil Armstrong didn't take a giant leap until they met.