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  • A cat teaches kittens how to offend their owners.
  • A man begs a doctor to induce his wife's labor so their baby will be a compatible star sign.
  • It would be useful if babies' bellybuttons were snooze buttons.
  • A new dad thinks his baby blew a gasket.
  • A man accientally throws away his baby instead of a diaper.
  • A surgeon kisses his patient's organs in the hopes of making them better.
  • A dad tells his baby he'll have a hard time filling his shoes, but his baby poops in them.
  • A man wishes he could hear his new baby's thoughts, but the baby is hoping he doesn't inherit his dad's nose.
  • Twins fight over who gets to leave the womb first.
  • A new mom ink bottle can't tell if her kid is a girl or a boy, but she has an inkling.
  • A pregnant woman can't stop saying contractions.
  • A cartoon character's new baby has 10 fingers and 10 toes.