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  • A praying mantis is glad her son sent a mother's day card because now she can find her son and eat him.
  • Batman kicked and punched his mom's womb while he was a fetus.
  • A baseball player names his triplets Carl, Nick, and Baby to Be Named Later.
  • A woman tells her babysitter that she doesn't need to call for help because her daughter's website spoiledbrat.com has the answers.
  • Martha Stewart told the doctor who delivered her to save her umbilical cord to make into a meaningful wall hanging.
  • The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe now lives in a Nike sneaker.
  • A kangaroo court has a judge and then a baby judge in a pouch on the stand.
  • A bat was a sparkle in his dad's ear instead of his eye.
  • Dick Clark pays off Father Time.
  • Santa wakes up a boy's parents to find out who's been forging his name on lame presents.
  • No one realizes Superman's strength until he plays Pull My Finger.
  • A dog sniffs for presents.