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  • Spider tells psychiatrist how female spider lit a cigarette, looked him in the eye, and said they didn't call him "itsy bitsy spider" for nothing.
  • Famous last words from Charles Darwin, Thomas Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Albert Bugleweed, whose last words were "Honey, how's your diet going'".
  • One fowl says since Gregory was cremated, he feels like he is with him - and there is a can of cream of chicken on the mantel.
  • Frog is upset because she has a date, and there are no warts on her face.
  • Stick of gum talking on phone tells friend she hasn't seen Ray all night, and he's probably stuck under some bar stool.
  • Egg in the bathroom drying his hands reads note on wall saying to call Ellen because she's over easy.
  • After lumberjack cuts down tree, another tree says he knew she was lying about her age because he can see the circles on her trunk.
  • Woman explains her half cat-half reptile pet because her lease only allowed one pet, so she and Jim compromised by having their pets combined.
  • A clearly aged Charlie Brown sits on bench and wonders how he can get little gray-haired girl to notice him.
  • Man walking into ladies' intimate apparel store hopes no one saw him, not realizing there's a big celebration waiting because he's the one millionth customer.
  • Male skelton tells female, Agatha, he suspected cheating, but didn't expect to find so many skeletons in her closet, there are real skeletons in closet.
  • One sauce pan tells another pot after hitting the teakettle that it will be the last time he whistles at her.