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  • A jar of peanut butter's husband was smooth when she married him, but now he's chunky.
  • A homeless cat wants to pee on the rug and claw the furniture of a woman who feeds it.
  • A statue tells her boyfriend that he used to put her on a pedestal.
  • A woman can't think of a reason not to go out with a man, but when he calls later she'll have had time to find one.
  • A dog chained outside gets resentful when his owner hums 'Unchained Melody.'
  • The cartoon lists TV spinoffs that never caught on.
  • A piece of macaroni is worried his friend has been hitting the sauce.
  • Old Faithful's wife smells someone else's perfume on him.
  • A painter gets bored of painting hell, but an arsonist is even more bored.
  • A snail is jealous beacause her husband is hanging out with a turtle.
  • So many women reject a man that he starts selling shirts that say "I Rejected Derek."
  • Adam eats fruit instead of being fruitful with Eve.