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  • A dog cheats by wearing night vision goggles.
  • A baby writes a review of how food makes her face look.
  • A dad tells his daughter to sit farther back from the TV while he's close to his computer screen.
  • Billy's BB gun takes his eye out'on a date. Mother warns son about bb gun taking his eye out and she was correct, literally.
  • Mr. Potato Head keeps a "close eye" on his wife's love affair by leaving one of his eyes on the table to see if she's cheating.
  • A shark helps a man who lost his glasses in the ocean.
  • UFOs try to construct the perfect Earthling using DNA from powerful and popular people, but the DNA they collected is all from ugly or stupid famous people.
  • Famous cartoon characters are in an eye hospital because of their distorted faces.
  • A cyclops wife is mad at her husband because she thinks he winked at another woman.
  • Product failures chunky pulp milk, caffeinated baby formula, salty Dr Pepper soda, Lee Press-On nose hair, sugar sweet toothpaste, stinky tuna Chicken of the Sea fish perfume, spicy cajun Preparation-H, gross leftover parts chicken soup, vegetable flavor popsicles & feline sleeping pills for insomniac cats.
  • A nearsighted cave man doesn't run away from a dinosaur because he can't tell what it is.
  • An ophthalmologist's assistant finds a box of smiling Irish eyes in the supply room.