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  • At a doggie dinner party, one dog agrees to a helping of cat because he is cutting down on saturated cats, rather than saturated fats.
  • Doctor tells patient according to tests, his diet is butterflies, bees, horseflies, and dragonflies, while patient makes mental note close mouth when riding bike.
  • Famous last words from Charles Darwin, Thomas Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Albert Bugleweed, whose last words were "Honey, how's your diet going'".
  • Wife tells husband, Albert, that expandability is a good feature for computers, not husbands, just as he has his mouth open extremely wide to eat an entire piece of cake.
  • One shark tells another that he is eating a pair of swimming trunks because his doctor said he needed more fiber.
  • Person wonders why box of cereal is empty, even though label says it has no sugar, no additives, no fat, and no calories.
  • One soft cover book wonders if his wife only comes to the beach to look at the hard covers.
  • Three people in ocean, two skinny, one in middle is fat, and two sharks decide they will each get more by taking out the middleman.
  • Ski instructor tells student with a large butt that he's doing fine, but needs to learn to shift his weight to front of the skis.
  • One toothbrush tells another he had same bad dream of being dragged around smelly cave and waking up soaking wet.
  • Albert's wife uses negative reinforcement to help him diet, Albert's laying on floor in front of fridge, scary face and fist popped out at him.
  • Breadstick trying to do yoga exercises for pretzels winds up on the floor and broken into several pieces.