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  • Darth Vader's hand hurts when he uses the Force to strangle someone.
  • A broom reassures a book in a bar that smartphones won't make it obsolete.
  • New parents receive their son as an adult because the stork outsourced its job to a sloth.
  • Clorocks bleach is for musicians.
  • Slinkys take a ski lift to the top of the stairs.
  • A jealous cupcake at a party gossips about what's under another cupcake's frosting.
  • A turtle bursts out of a cake for a party, but she takes so long that it gets stale.
  • A woman's husband wants to know how often she updates her Facebook because their dog has grown so big.
  • Dogs have to be at least 1 year old to look at dog porn.
  • A cat steals a man's toupee at a party.
  • A thief picks his victim out of a police lineup.
  • A balding man is offered nose hair transplants.