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  • A woman guesses that a man has a new kitten because his legs are covered in scratches.
  • A pick your own apple orchard weighs customers before and after to charge them for apples they eat.
  • A dog complains that trash bags are empty.
  • Heaven gets crowded, so the angels might have to update their cloud storage.
  • Chipmunks stuff their cheeks at a buffet to steal food.
  • C3P0 can't read his doctor's note.
  • Bifocals aren't enough for a fly -- he needs millifocals.
  • A pirate cracks his iPhone screen with his hook hand.
  • There's a wait in a cat restaurant because all of them want to sit by the window.
  • A dog buys her husband his favorite food, anything.
  • A woman is confused how her husband has so many reward points at the jewelry store, because he spent lots of money there on other women.
  • Mr. Potatohead can't hear his cell phone because he left his ear at home.