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  • Doctor examines red and irritable rash on man's arm, and the rash calls him a cretin, and yells at him to get away and leave it alone.
  • Spider tells psychiatrist how female spider lit a cigarette, looked him in the eye, and said they didn't call him "itsy bitsy spider" for nothing.
  • Doctor tells patient who has dark stains under arms that he needs to exercise, eat healthy, and keep deodorant and spray paint in different cabinets.
  • Dentist, while tossing away small frames, tells patient the situation is bad because the germs have set up offices with diplomas, certificates, and wall hangings.
  • Man with a cold is disappointed because there is a note on bottle of cough syrup that says the active ingredient has gone surfing.
  • One shark tells another that he is eating a pair of swimming trunks because his doctor said he needed more fiber.
  • Person wonders why box of cereal is empty, even though label says it has no sugar, no additives, no fat, and no calories.
  • Pillow complains that he can't get any sleep because the person's head lying on top of him is too lumpy.
  • Tub of yogurt lying on couch tells psychiatrist that lately, he has been feeling unnatural.
  • Patient wants doctor's assurance before his physical that doctor's medical journals are more up-to-date than waiting room magazines.
  • Vein points to map of human body, giving weather report, including high temperature of 98.6, periods of high pressure, and frequent cold-bloodedness.
  • Doctor listens to pregnant woman's belly, she asks him how many heartbeats he hears because baby is in womb playing bongos.