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  • An umpire says he's going to work at home.
  • A bed bug stays in bed all day.
  • A cat keeps ordering more pencils because he loses them under his desk.
  • A dog asks her husband if it's okay if she gets another dog for companionship while he's traveling.
  • Santa downloads a red nose app, putting Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer out of a job.
  • Amazon employees move items back and forth as a woman adds them to her cart.
  • A fortune cookie psychic has a tough job.
  • The new Legend of Zelda game is Legend of Welda, a game about a woman who welds things.
  • An engineer is jealous of the social engineers at his college.
  • New parents receive their son as an adult because the stork outsourced its job to a sloth.
  • A dog offers another dog a bone to show him that his job has dental benefits.
  • A bondage enthusiast uses LinkedIn while chained up.